“Am I burnt out or just lazy?”
How performance culture can turn your hobbies into chores.
At first glance, this question seems odd. Surely burnout and laziness are polar opposites? Nope, there’s way more nuance to it which we will explore. One thing I can tell you up front though: if you’re worried about being lazy to the point that you’re reading about it, you’re probably not lazy.
When I was a teenager my world revolved around music. My €5 per hour job in a nearby sports shop was almost exclusively for financing music equipment. Microphones. Guitar effects. Guitars. Today, that gear has either been sold or has become decoration. My favourite guitars were not sold and now adorn my sitting room. I walk past them roughly 20 times a day to get to the kitchen. How often do I pick one up? I’d have to invent a number. Maybe once every 4 months? And only for 20 minutes or so. How did it come to this? Had I become lazy?
What really happened is that playing guitar had become a chore in my mind.
To get to the bottom of this we have to talk about motivation because a lazy person doesn’t feel guilty about breaking up with music.
How can a hobby become a chore?
When the motivation to do something fun is replaced by a feeling of duty, play turns into work. How we view it can completely change.
Can you think of a person you were once close with but now you can’t imagine how that was ever a thing? The way you see that person today is very different to how you saw them at the time. It wouldn’t be unusual if the thing you liked most about them is now what bugs you the most. We all change our minds. Our perceptions develop over time so our mind updates what people, places, things or situations mean to us. That’s also why some people stay friends with their ex and others bury all evidence it ever happened.
An activity itself does not determine if a person will like it or not. Take golf for example. I’m neutral on this because I’ve never played but people seem to either go crazy for it or spend way too much energy arguing that it’s “not a real sport”. In the same way, the activity itself does not determine whether it helps someone switch off. This is backed up by evidence: what recovers you is the experience an activity gives you, more than the activity itself (1).
Let’s take Dylan* for example. Lately he’s been feeling exhausted. Nothing feels fun anymore. Many years ago he was an avid reader. He loved spending time in book shops, staying on top of new releases and eagerly planning what he would read next. Today, reading feels like a chore. He regularly worries that he has become lazy. What’s changed? A lot can change in 10 years but two stand out:
1. He has children now. They have preferences too. Sometimes they want him to read to them, so it’s their book and not his. Sometimes they point blank refuse to go to bed. Other times they wake up just as he has settled in with a chapter. There’s certainly been a change in his decision making. Whether he gets to read tonight is no longer purely his decision. Unless he decides himself to leave the book closed, which can happen too. A choice like that means he won’t read a page but at least the decision is his.
2. He has made reading a chore. The third Dune movie is out soon and he promised himself he’d have read the first two books before the release. He’s got to page 172 of the first book and it’s been gathering dust on his bedside table ever since. For the past three months he’s been scrolling Instagram before bed. The average sleep score on his wearable has been dropping and he can feel it. He refuses to read something different because his rule is “I finish every series I start.” There it is. The inner rule. It’s a personally declared sin to skip this book, so it must get read. That’s what he told himself about the Lord of the Rings trilogy, what’s been released of A Song of Ice and Fire and others (they have since been placed out of sight, just in case). There’s too much pressure. And if that wasn’t enough, he did manage to get through the A Court of Thorns and Roses series with enough skilful persuasion from his significant other (he even surprised himself) and she’s kindly reminded him that the new one is out soon. Joy has turned into performance.
An activity that has a feeling of “should” or “have to” attached delivers less rest and recovery than one that brings joy (2). The feeling of play that’s needed for recovery got lost for Dylan along the way. He had not only lost his passion for books. He had also lost something that would charge his batteries without him realising. Today he even avoids the topic of reading altogether when he’s feeling particularly exhausted because after work, the last thing he wants is “more work”.
Is it avoidance or laziness?
In simple terms, avoidance is when we don’t do something in an attempt to escape from a negative feeling (e.g. guilt, low self-worth or shame). Procrastination is the classic example: you remember there’s an important form you need to fill in by tomorrow evening. You hate any type of bureaucracy so instead you clean the house. This is interesting because a decision was made between two chores. Your flashy Dyson got the upper hand. But I bet that if your friend called you, asking for help with relationship troubles, the Dyson would pull the short straw. Laziness is not part of the equation at all.
To understand why, we’ll use a popular psychology theory as our lens. Self-Determination Theory proposes that we humans have three needs that, when met, make us feel motivated (3):
1. Autonomy: the feeling that what you’re doing is your own choice, and not decided by someone else.
2. Competence: the feeling that you’re capable of doing it well.
3. Relatedness: the feeling that you belong and are connected to other people.
The theory argues that people thrive when all three are met and that motivation weakens when one is missing. It also helps to understand why hoovering suddenly becomes the more interesting chore:
1. The decision feels better than urgent paperwork that found you
2. It’s easy so you’re automatically good at it and get a tangible outcome
3. The outcome is a clean home which can bring you closer to your spouse.
Though technically all three are met, number 3 is the weakest. That's why the Dyson loses the moment your friend calls: the connection on offer is stronger and more immediate.
Let’s use this lens to view Dylan’s lost love for reading. His selection of books is externally motivated: a new release creates the pressure for him to finish a book, and though it was his choice to start the book in the first place, the feeling of autonomy was lost as the book progressed (“I have to read 10 pages every night”). Because his reading habit is nothing like it was when he was younger, he feels a specific kind of loss about his ability to read. He regularly jokes about how social media killed his attention span but behind closed doors he doesn’t feel good about it. The times when he does read, he’s actively connecting with others. Be it when he’s reading ACOTAR with his partner or Paddington Bear to his young kids before bed.
Sometimes he feels conflicted as to why at times reading flows and other times he’s totally blocked. Feeling blocked causes him to avoid reading. To escape feeling like he let himself down. During periods where his avoidance is particularly active, the pattern also trickles into his work: not putting up his hand for that exciting new project or ‘forgetting’ that weekly report in the hopes nobody would notice. For Dylan it feels like an incurable tiredness combined with a general disinterest in things that would normally make him happy. In the little spare time he has, he’s usually scrolling Instagram whilst watching Netflix, which causes him to judge himself harshly for being lazy. In reality he’s slowly burning out because he’s not getting enough quality rest to balance out his responsibilities at home and at work.
Dylan’s rule about finishing what he starts may sound familiar to anyone who has felt not good enough or like a fraud at work. Imposter Syndrome is closely tied to the fear of falling short of perfect and the need to look as if that never happens (4). This fear produces a lot of negative feelings, which can cause a lot of avoidance. The more work that piles up, the more stress does too. This same fear can lead very ambitious people to burn out through excessive worrying and beating themselves up over their own high standards (5). But are those standards truly ours?
How does performance culture affect our lives?
We end up feeling guilty for not doing enough, but nobody ever tells us what enough is. The reminders are everywhere:
Movie marathons
Yearly reading goals
PS5 Platinum trophies
Endless Duolingo streaks
Social media follower counts
Closing your Apple Watch rings
All of the above are scoreboards. Useful tools at first sight, yet double-edged swords in practice: for some they amplify joy, for others they put out the flame. The good thing is that they are all optional.
Researchers argue that on a societal level, the pressure to perform has largely moved from outside to inside (6). Performance has become such a normal part of our daily lives that we blame ourselves for not keeping up with what can be a really inhumane pace. Our inner voices become harsher than any boss because they can never be satisfied. If we believe that the opposite of performing is laziness, it is no wonder that many people call themselves lazy whilst slowly burning out. The saddest part is that they blame themselves, when there’s so much more to it. Sure, we all make our own decisions and we can absolutely steer the ship into better waters. However, that’s pretty difficult to do when we’re not able to see the patterns we are stuck inside of. Apparently there’s no room in the school curriculum for learning how a human works next to algebra and learning how glacial erosion formed valleys eons ago.
The important takeaway is this: it’s not your fault. But you have the power to change it. Both are true at the same time.
On a practical level, the takeaway is simpler: ask yourself what you’re currently doing purely for enjoyment. If nothing comes to mind, you know what to do. Start small. Don’t connect it to a goal. Just do it because it feels good. Do it regularly. For Dylan this might be to start a different book. One he’s been wanting to read but couldn’t give himself permission to read. He’s afraid that he will never get back to reading Dune but that leaves him with two options: pick it back up after the next book or leave it be. If the idea of having read the book is more appealing than actually reading it, it’s likely not worth it.
If restful activities make you feel guilty, try to view them as an important part of your work. The best work comes from well rested people. If even this seems like a mammoth task, I can help you. In my work with clients we find the exact reason they feel blocked and address it at the source. That doesn’t require a childhood deep dive because what matters in my work is who you are today.
Which brings me back to my guitars. I recently realised that at some point I must have tied music to performance. Back in 2009 I wanted to give YouTube a stab. In hindsight, it’s not surprising that I was dealing mostly with crickets. I continued recording songs and uploading videos until my young self ultimately got disheartened and gave up amidst life’s pressures picking up. My mindset is totally different to what it was back then. However, I am clearly still carrying the bad feelings I picked up back then. The guitars are the daily reminder my eyes have become trained to no longer see. There’s still some inner work for me to do before we can get back together.
Important: There are multiple stages of burnout and if you feel yours has advanced to the point where you’re feeling totally out of control, the first step is to consult a GP.
Are you saying yes to more work when you’re already at capacity? If you feel like you’re always exhausted because you find it really hard to say no, try my free diagnostic. It takes under 10 minutes and reveals why you say yes and what it’s costing you. It’s called Say Yes and Mean it.
About the author - Chris Baeuchle
MSc Personal & Management Coaching, UCC
7+ years tech leadership (Apple, Indeed, komoot)
International Association of Mind Coaches
*Dylan is a fictional character. His story reflects patterns I regularly see in my work.
Sources:
(1) Sonnentag, S., & Fritz, C. (2007). The Recovery Experience Questionnaire: Development and validation of a measure for assessing recuperation and unwinding from work. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 12(3), 204–221. https://doi.org/10.1037/1076-8998.12.3.204
(2) ten Brummelhuis, L. L., & Trougakos, J. P. (2014). The recovery potential of intrinsically versus extrinsically motivated off-job activities. Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology, 87(1), 177–199. https://doi.org/10.1111/joop.12050
(3) Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68–78. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.55.1.68
(4) Hill, A. P., & Gotwals, J. K. (2025). A meta-analysis of multidimensional perfectionism and impostor phenomenon. Journal of Research in Personality, 118, Article 104639. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2025.104639
(5) Hill, A. P., & Curran, T. (2016). Multidimensional perfectionism and burnout: A meta-analysis. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 20(3), 269–288. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868315596286
(6) Bogaerts, S., Chasiotis, A., Klaiber, P., Bechara, J., Abrahams, L., Piyasinchai, B., Junker, T., Hoedjes, M., Stone, L., Janković, M., & Masthoff, E. (2026). Alienation in modern culture: A psychoanalytic analysis of five societal transitions. Human Arenas, 9(Suppl. 1), 39–61. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42087-025-00549-z